Considering that it's now in its 24th year, we don't know how the Footwear News Annual Achievement Awards could've escaped our attention for so long. Shoes are essential to life; without a good pair of boots, thousands of soldiers died from causes related to trench foot during WWI, and today, they provide an unanswerable weapon against U.S. Presidents (see George Bush shoe-throwing incident), as well as being an indicator of where you stand in the fashion hierarchy.

Blake Lively, who recently confessed to having bought a staggering forty pairs of Louboutin heels in a single shopping trip, is undoubtedly at the higher end of the scale. It's no surprise, therefore, that when she heard that Christian Louboutin, yes, THE man himself, was attending the awards, she should convey herself thither with great speed. Well, with as much speed as one can while wearing eight inch stilettos.

Blake Lively and Jessica Alba like their shoes. We wonder if they've heard of Clarks

Jessica Alba also turned up, suited and booted, for some reason. Maybe she wanted to shake off her Machete image. Anyway, the whole thing was a ridiculously elitist showcase of some of the wackiest and most expensive shoes known to man. There wasn't a plimpsole in sight. So, we're going to start a campaign for the return of the functional, no-nonsense shoe. Just because feet are ugly, it doesn't mean we have to compensate with silly, unpractical creations. We say, celebrate the deformity.

Exhibit 1: Blake Lively wearing the offending heels. 

Heels such as these are deceptive, because they have the effect elongating a woman's legs. It's a marvellous piece of visual trickery, and is the pop-science theory behind why men supposedly find women who wear them more attracitve. We can't see it ourselves. Give us Blake in Crocs anyday. Although, should we come under attack by Iran, they wouldn't perhaps be as useful as a means of defence. So, we'll allow her to keep them in her handbag, just in case.