You want to see Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel dress up in more sexy Halloween costumes? Well GET IN HERE. If you missed yesterday's article - with such classics as Sexy Charlie Chaplin and Sexy Embodiment of Gambling, check it out here.
5. Sexy French Person!
We'd croque her monsieur, if you know what we mean
Candice is Moulin Rouging it up a storm with this polka-dotty number, and keeping it vague enough to look “sort of French” and “sort of from the past” and just leaving it at that. You want a complex Halloween costume that isn’t just a vague stab at a theme? Get the hell out of here. This is Candice Swanepoel. She can do whatever she wants.
Plus French people can be scary, too, if they break in your house and threaten to gut you from outside your bedroom door while you lay wide-eyed in terror. But that’s not really much to do with them being French.
4. Sexy Ballerina!
We'd pas her de deux, if you know what we mean
Are ballerinas spooky? This one is. This one escaped from the music box of a malnourished orphan girl, and due to a series of complex magical incantations and the blood of a murderer, it is now alive. All it can do is hate. To make sure users keep that classic music-box pose, uncomfortable limb-splints are built up the back of the dress (not pictured).
3. Sexy Brazilian Dancer!
We'd do the forbidden dance with her, if you know what we mean
Here Candice is dressed as a sexy samba dancer, which doesn’t seem very scary at all until you realise that to earn that tiara she has tracked down and murdered none other than Big Bird off Sesame Street with her bare hands and stiletto heels. The head-dress is supposed to be bigger, but those are the only two feathers that weren’t soaked in his blood.
2. Sexy Bride!
We'd take her up the aisle, if you know what we mean
Obviously, this costume is a variant on the classic Zombie Bride, but with the Zombie part removed because however hip the living dead are, necrotising flesh just isn’t sexy. Well, not to us, anyway. Candice is representative of the commitment to a long-term relationship that men supposedly fear; sure, she looks beautiful now, but six years down the line you’ll be changing nappies and picking out curtains and wondering if your life insurance covers suicide. Chilling stuff.
1. Sexy Maid!
We'd feather her duster, if you know what we mean
Only scary if you’re sleeping with her when your Sexy Bride gets home from a Sexy Day At Work, and even then, it’s not the Sexy Maid’s fault. Comes with a useless see-through apron and a feather duster that you can lose in a pub.