In the fashion world, you don't need much of an excuse to throw a party. Usually, when any given model loses an amount of weight considered suitable, the champagne glasses, which haven't even had sufficient time to be washed up, are brought out once again. Though spare a thought for those who, after a particularly stressful day, decide to indulge in a Garibaldi biscuit, causing them to put two ounces back on again. If the shame doesn't force them to drugs (which may conversely cause a resurgence in their career due to the added exposure), they will be excommunicated from the modelling community. It's a tough life, one constantly lived on a tightrope.

On a brighter note, Carey Mulligan doesn't have to worry about all this nonsense, being a film star and all. All she needs to attend to are regular dental check-ups and the occasional pilates class. She popped up at the launch party in New York not because she wanted to get her face around and lick a few posteriors like many other attendees (who'll remain off these pages), but because she didn't fancy going to another film party and being chatted up by some sleazy producer who promises the world and delivers Slough instead.

No, no, no, no, no. Tell us this isn't happening. What's wrong with you, Alexa Chung? Look. We tried the nice approach. We promised we'd give you due attention when the time was right. First, you barged in on Blake Lively. Then, despite our valiant attempts at appeasement, you shoved Anne Hathaway aside. This can't go on. You're ruining it for everyone, not to mention scaring the shit out of us every time. This is your final warning. One more uninvited appearance and we'll be appealing for a restraining order. We don't like to get mad, but you've left us with no alternative. Grr and bow-wow.

We're so sorry about that, Carey. She keeps on following us around and then ambushes us when we least expect it. Carey? Mulligan? Sigh. And another opportunity vaporizes.