PETA are up to their old tricks again, and Chantelle Houghton is helping them out. Earlier this week, they had playboy models bathing in the middle of Trafalgar square to illustrate that “50 Baths” are equal to “1 Steak.” Presumably it’s a measure of how much a cow drinks from the time it’s born to when it’s ready to be chopped up all delicious.

How many steaks are in a cow? That’s quite a lot of baths. Maybe they should use the shower instead and save water.

Following a theme of getting people’s attention by using some fairly woolly logic to include busty models in their marketing campaigns, yesterday PETA dressed “celebrity” Chantelle Houghton in some lettuces instead of in a dress, like a normal person might wear.

She's cheating, we can see a dress under there. We want a refund

(Chantelle was on Celebrity Big Brother back in 2006, remember? She was on page 3? She married that bloke from the Ordinary Boys? No, us neither. Still, she’s got nice legs, focus on them)

This is to try and persuade us to stop eating meat. Presumably we could eat the lettuce off her, thus unveiling her body, which might be fun in a “my jaw hurts” sort of way. Plus lettuce doesn’t really taste of anything.

Perhaps they’re aping Lady Gaga’s famous meat-dress (which has now been made into jerky, by the way) with a much less controversial vegan design. As unappetising as it is, it’s better than the other vegan alternatives. A lentil wrap? Quorn trousers? A tofu hat? Mashed potato smeared all over herself?

Okay, maybe the last one might be all right.