Sigh. If it weren’t bad enough that her performance at the VMA awards went tits up, her breasts are now about to be shown to the world in an altogether different position. A sex tape, soon to be revealed by RadarOnline, shows the actress being ridden doggy style by a mystery man speaking in a British accent (anybody know him?). And if you thought that she happens to be looking remarkably young , it’s because the tape was recorded over ten years ago when she was a budding stand-up comedienne with a side career in pornography. Well, something had to pay the bills.

At only fifteen seconds long, a prolonged blink and you might miss the snippet of action. Claims that the video is fake have been denounced by Handler, and the fact that it has been deemed to graphic to be posted on the RadarOnline website is encouraging news for us voyeurs. A word of warning, though. It’s preceded by eight minutes of a tragically bad stand-up routine that should be avoided at all costs, unless you’re a wannabe stand-up, in which case it teaches a good lesson about everything you shouldn’t do. All we can say is thank the Lord she’s got a pretty face. Even if it has been botoxed into oblivion.

Chelsea Handler

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