“And the winner of Best International Female Solo Artist is… my girl crush. What’s her name? Rihanna!” Not our words, the words of Cheryl Cole, who presented the 22-year-old with a gong at last night’s Brit Awards. We know. Tent pole inducing. Especially when you discover the feeling’s mutual.

“She is awesome, I think she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,” announced the singer last year. We know. We need to sit down too. Oh, we already are. Best get on with the story then.

The Minstrel Army's pincer movement seized control in the Battle of the Belly Button

Rihanna started the evening in a cleavage-tastic purple and blue dress thing, but changed into this black one-piece leotard (above) for a raunchy performance of her new single S&M, before finishing the evening in another cleavage-tastic dress, this time with flowers on it (below). 

'Flower for a left nipple woman' wowed the freak show crowd

FHM once lost a bet and had to wear a flowery dress on a flight from Edinburgh to Barcelona. Have you ever suffered a similar fate in the name of idiocy? Let us know and, if we like your story enough to publish it, we’ll give you £25.

Okay, back to the love-in that is Chezza and Riri. Chezza is currently seeking a third consecutive FHM Sexiest Woman in the World crown. Whereas Rihanna is currently viewed as 5/2 second favourite for this year’s gong by Paddy Power. Conclusion? If they get together it will nudge them ahead of former FHM cover star Amber Heard and her sex partner Tasya Van Ree, The Olsen Twins* and those two darts players from Leicestershire as the hottest lesbian couple in the history of the world. Go on then, girls. Do it. Do it and make a sex tape, for history's sake. 

"Get a room. No, please, get a room. Pretty please. With a cherry..."

*not actually lesbians, obviously.