Cheryl Cole was on X Factor on Sunday. That’s hardly a big deal - she’s on there twice a week (unless she’s nearly dying from malaria/going through emotional turmoil/bonking that probably homosexual dancer guy/doing something else like staying at home watching Ann Widdecombe ‘sexing’ it up on Strictly Come Dancing) - but last night was more of a big deal because she actually sang a little song.   


Well, she kind of sang a little song. A big bunch of ‘haters’ are suggesting she actually mimed the whole thing. But who cares, really? When she looks like this, we wouldn’t mind if she didn’t even make an attempt to mime in sync to the words, went totally overboard with air-grabs and those ‘oh-my-God-this-is-my-moment-and-I’m-remembering-everything-emotional-that’s-ever-happened-in-the-world-EVER-just-look-at-my-emotional-face-it’s-so-bloody-emotional-argh-emotion-emotion-emotion’ faces that they always do when they’re singing an emotional song and then really went to town during the chorus because they’re the only words you actually know so you increase the volume to compensate for the bits in the verses that you didn’t know. If you don’t know what we’re talking about, you should go and do some karaoke. Right now.

The bad news is that a loving family of zebra suffered really horrible deaths in the making of Cheryl's tight things. The good news is she looked really hot. 

And about those zebra - NOT REALLY.

Image if life from another planet made a venture to Earth for the first time and just happened to land in the X Factor studio during a live show. They'd think "what the hell is going on?" They'd probably think it was some kind of weird mating ritual (it kinda is) or some kind of weird sacrifice to the gods (it kinda isn't). They'd definitely think Wagner's a freak - that's a given.  

Hey, Cheryl, we've got to go now. See ya later.

We're really going now. Don't try to stop us. Yes, you do look lovely in that other dress but we've got stuff to do.