Christina Hendricks, of Mad Men and breasts fame, has been pronounced as the face (and breasts!) of Vivienne Westwood’s new and tremendously expensive jewellery line, Get A Life. There’s a picture of her, wearing some jewellery, probably. Breasts.

What an odd name for a line of jewellery. We’re not experts in the field but surely while all high-quality purchases are aspirational, there’s no need to actively insult the buyer with the name of your product. Well, Vivienne knows best.

Presumably Vivienne intends for you to get a life wearing jewellery, rather than to make yourself a better, more interesting person. Unless the jewellery is printed with advice on how to get a life (the underside of a bracelet reads “Why not try waterskiing?”).


Or motorboating?

Or it’s magic jewellery, like in that Lord of The Rings film, jewellery that forces you to get a life by hounding you to the ends of Middle-Earth with Sauron’s henchmen, the undying Ringwraiths.

Alas, magical rings are hard to come by these days after Jimmy Saville started hoarding them in the late 90’s. Chances are it’s a fairly mundane line of normal rings, bracelets, necklaces, earrings and the like which confer absolutely zero supernatural power upon the wearer. Ho hum.

Still, we wouldn’t want Christina to go all Gollum on us, would we? As sexy as she’d look in just a loincloth, creeping through the undergrowth of the Misty Mountains and ambushing unsuspecting hobbits, the whole “filthy and emaciated” deal that Gollum’s got going on probably wouldn’t suit her all that much.