We know what you're thinking. We're clever like that. What about the poor Brummie? We don't know what happened either. Though it was a women's awards ceremony, so maybe that had something to do with it. She's rather lovely, Christine Bleakley, there's no denying it, but she's not exactly Christiane Amanpour. She has an excellent fixed beam, laughs along at all of Adrian Chiles's dubious jokes like a diligent underling, and does the whole Irish shtick to perfection, but we still don't understand how that can be worthy of a Pulitzer. Hold on. It was a Cosmo award she won? Oh, that explains it. Excuse us. We sometimes get a little disorientated.
So, here she is, proudly clutching her award for Ultimate TV Presenter, while Chiles was at home, presumably, staring intently into space and plotting how best to depose of his friendly rival. It's not a serious battle of nemeses, like Napoleon vs. Nelson, Hitler vs. Churchill or even Elmo vs. Cookie Monster. It's more of a sibling rivalry. But then again, it didn't turn out too well for Cain and Abel.
A rather surprising win for Christine, if you consider that Daybreak's audience have steadily migrated in their droves since the move to ITV. But we won't quibble over technicalities. We'd rather see Christine become the doyenne of breakfast television than anyone else. Much as we love Lorraine Kelly, the hate mail we received when we showed you her bikini pics was, quite frankly, uncalled for. We try to give you as wide a spectrum of the female form here, because from years of experience we know that everyone likes different things. Next week, we'll be bringing you Ann Widdecombe dressed as Queen Elizabeth I and Janice Dickinson as Wonderwoman's grandmother. We may not always hit the mark, but don't say that we don't give you variety.