This is Ciara. Take a look at her. We made sure – like, we actually did research and looked at pictures for AGES – to make sure that you were aware of how hot R&B singer Ciara is. What’s that? You don’t believe us?
Don’t take that tone with us, young man. Or young lady. You’re sat quite far away, and it’s hard to make out. Anyway, because this is the internet, we can do useful things like link directly to the article. That shut you up. Coming round here giving us lip like that. Oughta give you a piece of our mind.
Or a thick ear. One or the other
Anyway, so the point is, you should know who she is. And you should have voted for her in our 100 Sexiest Women poll this year, and you didn’t. Well. Some of you might have done, but not enough for her to enter into the coveted top 100 places. This WILL NOT STAND.
Look at her! She’s wearing a bikini and jeans to a nightclub, for heaven’s sake. She’s managed to acquire a lollipop from somewhere (although maybe she kept it in a sticky pocket, who knows; there’s something weirdly erotic about this sentence that we’re actually sort of okay with) and is using it provocatively. This is the sort of thing we’re after, you know?
This whole affair
Anyway. Don’t let it happen again. Sure, Ciara hasn’t really released anything that you’ve heard of. Don’t let that worry you. Just relax and remember to vote for her next year, okay? Okay.