Oh hey, Daisy Lowe, you consistently excellent individual in almost every way you. Looks like you’ve been doing a spot of brilliant modelling for the magazine bit of the popular online fashion retailer ASOS. That’s nice, and yeah, that’s swell. We like ASOS. It is easy to use. Easier than, say, the HMRC website. That website BLOWS. Although truth be told, whenever we buy clothes from ASOS in bulk we always send back roughly 90% of what arrives in the post.

It’s not ASOS’s fault, it’s clothes fault. We blame clothes. Who the hell do clothes think they are? They look all nice and fashionable and well-fitting on a model on a computer screen but actually, when they arrive, they’re thin and uncomfy and made out of recycled carpet. That last bit never happened.

Daisy Lowe doesn’t care though. Daisy Lowe doesn’t care because she’s 22-years-old and she’s Gavin Rossdale’s daughter and she’s super hot. FHM was at a friends house the other day and the friend was telling us a story about a man they knew (called a name featuring the letters ‘A’ and ‘T’ and ‘M’ and ‘T’ again) who was involved in a unholy liaison with Daisy Lowe but not in a ‘girlfriend’, ‘boyfriend’, ‘let’s get married’ kind of way.

One time, right, she was at his house, and Doctor Who came on the TV and Daisy Lowe was all “oooooh, I love Doctor Who”. Then she left his house, and the next thing he knew he was looking at pictures of Daisy Lowe smooching the man from Doctor Who (also called a name featuring the letters ‘A’ and ‘T’ and ‘M’ and ‘T’ again) at some fancy American festival or something.

BLOODY HELL.