In case you haven’t heard, Dannii Minogue is so hot right now. And as if to prove as much the 39-year-old stepped out in Sydney dressed as a zebra and somehow managed to receive nothing but praise for her outfit.


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Almost undoubtedly this was because Dannii wasn’t just any old zebra. She was a bona fide MILF zebra who was carrying one of those hats worn by rosy-cheeked gentlemen from Oxfordshire who like cricket.


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Now given that Dannii is not a) a rosy-cheeked, b) a gentleman or c) from Oxfordshire, this was a risky move. But according to fashion commentators The X Factor judge “looked sensational” and “couldn’t have picked a better model to showcase her new collection”.

Hold on one second. So you’re telling us that this outfit was merely one big advert for Dannii’s ‘Project D’ clothes line? Ms Minogue we object and demand that you remove these garments immediately, perhaps swapping them for the gold bikini you wore for FHM’s December 1999 cover shoot?

Ah 1999, what a year that was, eh Dannii? As we recall, during that 12 months Manchester United won the Champions League and you starred in Macbeth, graced our cover and got engaged to racing driver Jacques Villeneuve.

But enough about that four-eyes Canadian and back to zebras, who, after the asses, were the second lineage to diverge from the earliest proto-horses some 4 million years ago. Wow, you really do learn something every day, don’t you?