Penelope Cruz. Is. Amazing. Apart from when she was going out with Tom Cruise. Javier. Bardem. Is. Amazing. Apart from those Magnum adverts. So it’d be safe to assume that when their genes combine within the child that’s growing inside Penelope Cruz’s belly, it too will be amazing.

If, for example, the baby is a glorious hybrid of the films Volver and Vicky Cristina Barcelona it’ll be a passionate maniac who’s not afraid of a threesome. It would look more like Penelope Cruz though because she’s in both those films and Javier Bardem’s only in one.

So it might be better if the baby is a glorious hybrid of the films Blow and No Country for Old Men and therefore a glamorous psychopath who’s attracted to a wealthy, druggy lifestyle. Like Lindsay Lohan. This isn’t going well.

Tell you what: we’ll stay out of this. Maybe just pop over to OUR PENELOPE CRUZ PAGE where you can live the before-she-was-married-and-pregnant dream. Hey, you know who else is married and pregnant? Miranda Kerr. What. Is. Going. On?

The circle of life, that’s what.

THREE MORE GIRL STORIES ON FHM.COM:

1/ Lucie Jones' breasts are the new Wonderbra models
2/ Kristin Cavallari: in pants, in a park
3/ Olivia Munn in Rolling Stone, being amazing

THREE MORE PENELOPE CRUZ STORIES ON FHM.COM:

1/ Penelope Cruz with no pants on
2/ Penelope Cruz is hot, confusing for gay men
3/ Penelope Cruz and Marion Cotillard in Nine

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