Well did you get any Olympic tickets? Apparently Boris Johnson didn’t get any, but Richard Bacon got £3,000 worth. We didn’t get any, and we’re sulking, so we’d rather not talk about it.

Anyway Eliza Doolittle did a performance at the launch of a thing related to the Olympics, and she also held the ACTUAL OLYMPIC TORCH, which she did very well. But everyone’s been saying that her pink shorts actually resemble hot pants.

 Eliza Doolittle Olympic Torch
They can't be shorts, surely? THE DEBATE CONTINUES

So, in the wake of such confusion, there has been widespread discussion (read: low-octave murmurings) in the FHM office about whether Eliza is wearing the skimpiest shorts in the world or has actually gone to an Olympic thing wearing hot pants.

We think they’re shorts. No good-natured pop star wanders about in hot pants, especially when they’re at a thing about the Olympics. The Olympics are more official and respectable than a glass of brandy with a tweed-induced Terry Wogan. They’re just very short for a pair shorts, that seems to be the issue.

There’s nothing wrong with short shorts. It was quite warm yesterday, wasn’t it? So it makes perfect sense that Eliza wears something to show off her pins. Also, baggy shorts? Hells no. Maybe for sneaking cider into a mainstream festival but not for an Olympic thing!

Eliza Doolittle red carpet
See? Eliza Doolittle has very long legs.

So, in conclusion, we have decided that Eliza Doolittle is wearing SHORTS and that she looks very brilliant in them.

Thank you for attending this shorts-based conference and we look forward to seeing you again soon.