Wouldn’t you know it, there’s another Fast & Furious film coming out! And that Elsa Pataky is in it, too. Here she is looking sexy standing near to a big metal door at a photocall for the film.
Dispensing with normal naming tradition, the fifth film in the series (franchise? Saga? Mythos?) is called Fast &Furious 5: Rio Heist, but because that’s too many words to get out after a few pints – which is the optimal condition to be in before watching a Fast & Furious film, by the way – they’ve also shortened it to Fast Five, which makes it sound like a fifties pop band.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Vin Diesel and The Fast Five!
Names aside, the film is the now-typical cocktail of really fast cars driving really fast while some crime happens around, nearby, or inside them. At some point someone will fire a fully-automatic weapon, a sports car will drive under a truck, so on and so forth. This time there’s some sort of heist taking place in Rio, we’re lead to understand.
Now Rio’s a dangerous place, and if you were a cop tasked with tracking down Vin Diesel, you’d want some help. This is where Elsa Pataky comes in – she plays a local cop recruited by Dwayne Johnson (a.k.a. The Rock) who provides him with local knowledge and spicy Latin sex appeal.
Kayne West's sunglasses tried to sneak into shot
And as hard as we try to steel our brown-bread-eatin’, degree-havin’, book-readin’ selves against the veritable onslaught that this film provides, we can’t. We just can’t. We love the Fast & Furious series. They don’t care about political commentary. They’re not trying to write award-winning scripts. Viz, the trailer:
Instead, they strap a GIANT SAFE to two SPORTS CARS and then DRAG IT ABOUT TOWN. That’s fine. We’ll pay our money and sit quietly and, frankly, get excited when the cars drive around really fast and jump off things.
BONUS! If you go to the Fast 5 website, there's a driving game you can play which resembles a 1997-era PC racing title. It's fun, in a sort of nostalgic way, plus we played it the whole way through in one go. For some reason.