Money doesn’t grow on trees. It doesn’t. Honestly. We promise. You will literally never see money growing on a tree. Stop looking wistfully at that neglected bonsai that you bought once because you thought it’d make you all wise and able to catch flies with chopsticks – you’ll never be Mr Miyagi and a crisp tenner isn’t about to sprout out of that dusty excuse for soil.


"And you're sure it's only done 6,000 miles?"

So the question is: what does grow on trees?

If your answer is: Leaves / Branches / Apples / Cherries / Pears / Other fruit that grows on trees / Acorns / Moss / A conker that you’ll soak in vinegar and leave in the airing cupboard for ages in the hope you’ll turn it into an indomitable 45’er only for it to shatter into smithereens at the first sign of contact… then you’re conventionally correct, which is good, but you’re not going to get on well with Emma Watson, which is bad.

If your answer is ‘people’, then you probably should have paid a bit more attention during ‘sex ed’, but you’ll be right at home with the object of wizardy wet dreams, Emma Watson.


Toilet shoot tried some bling to add glamour

She’s put on some nice summery clothes and flounced around amongst the hay to promote the People Tree. Or a brand called People Tree that makes clothes, WHATEVER.

If you want to buy these clothes, http://www.peopletree.co.uk is probably your best bet.

If you've got Emma Watson coming round and you want to buy some hay for her to flounce around in, give http://www.hay-net.com a shot.

If you want to show Emma Watson how lovely you think she is, hit her up on http://www.fhm.com/girls/100-sexiest-women.


Hay bored Watson with his tall tales