When we saw these pictures of Eva Longoria at the Golden Globes looking twinkly and sparkly and delicious it is safe to say she got it. Even though she’s dressed like the evil sea witch from Disney’s Little Mermaid.

Her name is Ursula and she’s all jealous ‘cause the hot mermaid wants to shack up with a hunky cartoon guy. She has no feet, just fishy tentacles that she uses to do evil stuff with... like sing.


Smuggling refugees

Luckily for us, Eva Longoria is not an evil sea witch, just a woman who needs to have a quiet word in her stylist’s ear. She is as it happens a very hot tiny Latino goddess with a tiny perfect bottom and tiny perfect boobs. She’s so small and shiny we just want to pick her up and put her in a cabinet or something.

It really is just bad manners for that enormous ball-bouncing moron Tony Parker to have done the dirty on her. When your wife is that hot it is more than acceptable to just to sit around and watch her all day. What you don’t do is go off gallivanting with a nanny/secretary/parking attendant/toilet attendant. For God’s sake Tony.

Eva Longoria is the kind of woman that looks good even when she’s in the kitchen pulling sink gunk out or wiping surface crumbs into her cupped hand. She incidentally is not the kind of woman that would ever hold wet crumbs in her hand, which is probably exactly why we fancy her.