We didn't realize that Eva Longoria was such an accomplished satirist. Judging by her performance at the MTV Awards last night, she would have made Jonathan Swift blush by her ribbing of celebrity culture and its absurdities. We've already shown you, in a flourish of inspired genius, how she wore a ham outfit in a subverted homage to Lady Gaga's meat dress at the recent VMA awards. It's a brilliant parody of the ludicrous nature of attention-seeking and the fashion industry. Either that or Eva was feeling particularly self-conscious yesterday and the only way to cover up was to disguise herself as a cavernous piece of pig's flesh.
But this is blatantly untrue, because during the course of the evening she changed her outfit no fewer than ten times. And the majority of them were, to say the least, revealing. So we doubt if it was body issues that caused Eva to resort to such sartorial indecision. We hope it wasn't her prolific perspiration that forced so many changes. It must have been pretty hot under all those lights, after all.
Nope, we can't see any unsightly sweat patches on first glance. But this picture needs much closer inspection, especially around the upper-central region, where those nasty wet formations have a tendency of forming.
Nor can we see anything offensive in this one. Which brings us back to our original point. The whole thing must be a piss-take. We don't expect beautiful people to have a sense of humour. They don't need one. Comedians thrive on ugliness, and more often than not, it's their own that they draw on for material. This occurrence has shaken our convictions to their foundations. Since when do perfection and laughter appear in unison? Eva, you have defied the natural order. So stop being so damn hilarious and go back to doing what you do best. And no, you can't have a spot at the Comedy Store next Tuesday.