We’re not kidding! Mila actual Kunis is here, in London, where we (and presumably some of you) currently are. Which means we might run into her on the street. Oh man, this is too much too soon. Does our hair look okay?

Of course we could have looked at her promotion schedule for new film Friends with Benefits (also starring jivetastic hipster Justin Timberlake) to see that she’d be in the country, looking gorgeous in photographs and eating dinner at Nobu, as she’s wont to do. But we’re BUSY PEOPLE, you know, writing about women and games and shoes and movies and all that good stuff. We can’t be expected to take care of EVERYTHING.

And now Mila Kunis is here, in London, as we type. Why didn’t we shave this morning? “Oh no,” we thought. “We’ll be fine. After all, it’s just another day in the office. Maybe we won’t even bother putting on a clean shirt. This one doesn’t smell too bad, anyway.”

Mila Kunis in London
HUBRIS. Shirt-based HUBRIS

Oh God why didn’t we change our shirt? We could be walking out of a newsagents after buying a chunky Kit Kat and a scratch card when BAM, up walks Mila Kunis, and there we are with a dirty shirt, two days worth of beard sprouting seemingly at random from our face, and half a Kit Kat hanging out the corner of our mouth.

This is terrible. This is just terrible. Someone in the office must have an electric razor. Surely someone – we can steal it, maybe, and their shirt. Then we’ll be able to leave the office and tread the streets of London once more without wearing dark glasses.

Wait, what if she comes in to the office? She’d be allowed in. She’s Mila Kunis. She’ll sashay in glamourously and we’ll be making coffee or something and she’ll say “Hi there, I’m here to see best men’s mag in the world FHM, please. Also, a dishevelled vagrant seems to be going through your kitchen cupboards, you should deal with him".

Worst. Day. Ever.