It can't have escaped your notice that this year has been strewn with riots and protests, many of them recently focusing around the inequality of the distribution of wealth (and some of them about getting as much Tesco Value rice as you can carry). It's time to take action ourselves – and we've come up with three possible solutions:
1) Through protests and social insurrection, demolish the capitalist hierarchy and establish a new pseudo-Anarchist wonderland
2) Beat them at their own game and, via a career of smart trading and ruthless takeovers, reach the coveted 1% and live our lives free from the hand of monetary oppression
3) Marry someone really hot and really wealthy
You've probably clocked which of these - all admittedly unlikely- scenarios is most likely to play out from the title of the article. Plus, Heat magazine (who work just down the hall from us) just released their Rich List, which unlike other (boring) Rich Lists only features British celebrities under the age of 30. So if you're looking to get involved with a famous Brit to tackle those mounting student debts, here are the top five rich ladies:
5. Katie Melua - £10,760,000
Not only does Katie have more money than you'll earn in your lifetime just sitting around the house in big sacks and treasure chests1, but she's been blessed with a lovely singing voice too. Plus, we she was at the Modern Warfare 3 launch party, so she must like games. Or, at least, she likes free drinks. We can identify with both of those.
4. Cheryl Cole - £11,440,000
Our Cheryl popped over to the USA earlier this year, which clearly did her bank balance a great deal of good as she's jumped up 7 ranks in the list – although doing all those ads must have helped, too. Not bad, eh? If you can understand what she's saying at least half the time, you might be in with a chance.
3. Leona Lewis - £13,620,000
We haven't followed Leona's career especially closely, but she's obviously doing pretty well – she's worth about 524 times the UK average salary. Think how old and wrinkly most people would be before they saved up that much, and then look at how unwrinkly and unold Leona is. Top marks. What with her new album Glassheart coming out next January, she's only going to earn more money, too.
2. Emma Watson - £23,910,000
As the Harry Potter saga finished this year, Emma's cash cow has run out of milk. How will she continue to earn the frankly incredible amounts of money she's raking in at the moment? Bit parts in films like My Life With Marilyn might be all right now, but if she's not careful she'll blow it all and end up turning on Christmas lights wearing a Gryffindor scarf.
1. Keira Knightley - £30,870,000
Pirates of the Caribbean star Keira Knightley has an astonishingly large amount of money at her disposal. A huge amount. Maybe too much, some might say – but those people are clearly without money, so they're biased. To really get a handle on how much Keira is earning, you'd have to marry and move in with her and see how she lives day to day – whether she insists on using only the gold forks for caviar, etc. Give it a go and get back to us!
1 We assume