If you were one of the several million people that watched England lose to Italy on Saturday night then you probably became aware of several very important things.

Firstly, that Wayne Rooney should definitely not be taking anymore corner kicks for the remainder of the 2014 World Cup campaign.

Phil Neville has a voice so mind-numbingly bleak that it would make a night out with some plankton seem wild.

And finally, Mario ‘Why-always-me’ Balotelli is getting married to a woman named Fanny. Which for obvious reasons made us snigger.

Until we caught a glimpse of her that is, at which it promptly made us hate Balotelli even more for scoring that header against England on Saturday.

Fanny Neguesha is an unbelievably hot Belgian model who looks like the lovechild of Beyonce and J-Lo, only prettier.

You’re a lucky man Mario. ‘Why always me’ indeed…