Luckily, hardly anyone on the internet has written about the video for Lady Gaga’s new song Born This Way yet so we thought we’d go right ahead and get in there first.

At this point in time we have not seen the video. So we’re going to split the seven minutes and twenty seconds of the video into four sections (three of two minutes, one of one minute twenty seconds), then when we're listening to each section we're going to type the first thing that comes into our heads.

We will rest between each section because Lady Gaga can be quite tiring really can’t she.

Here goes.

0.00 – 2.00
Battlestar Galactica, birth, dim sum, The White Stripes, weird, flowers, ridiculous, well done Gaga, blimey.

REST

2.00 – 4.00
Penis machine gun, wobbles, Madonna, hair, flat chest, Katie Waissel, weird face, looks innocent probably isn’t, song’s gonna start now, nope, gimp slaves, Gaga looks like she needs to eat some nice burgers, BEATS, sex music, back tattoo is a big one, she likes to dance, throne, Kylie Minogue, Kelis, poppy, this routine been going on for too long, chorus now, thank God, YES LEGS.

REST

4.00 – 6.00
SPIN, boob grab, provocative, Insane Clown Posse, good face art, like those people who get a metal plate implanted under their head skin with spikes sticking out from it, back in the womb, more birth, birth everywhere, birth and bikinis, birth and bikinis and flesh covered stuff, YES LEGS, grab your crotch, the quiet bit, Gaga would be a good drag queen, wait, what, wonder how long these videos take to shoot.

REST

6.00 – 7.20
Pink hair, she’s pretty good at dancing, love or hate Gaga you’ve gotta love Gaga, clouds and stuff, American Werewolf in London, poor Lady Gaga is crying, gappy teeth like Madonna, Pink Floyd.

Well that was illuminating.