So, lovely Georgia Salpa got booted off Celebrity Big Brother last night. If we'd been watching, we'd probably be even more upset that we are now.

Georgia Salpa
FUN FACT: In her native country of Ireland, Georgia is worshipped as a guardian spirit. Every year, dozens of goats are sacrificed in her name

Now, we've refrained from making the cheap shots at Big Brother – the whole “oh man, none of these people are really famous so I guess I'll make a joke about that” shots, because it's Big fucking Brother. They're not gonna get Tom Cruise and the Queen in there, are they? It's a Channel 5 reality show. They're lucky to have Michael Madsen. At least he's been in, well, films and stuff.

Georgia Salpa at the Big Brother eviction ceremony
FUN FACT: It is said that if you look in the mirror and say "Georgia Salpa" three times, she will appear and grant a wish - but be careful what you wish for!

Anyway, Georgia got kicked out last night. Why's that, you ask? Because she was too quiet. She's not swanning around with her bits out like a ex-Corrie star, and she's not pawing all over Kirk Norcross - despite his advances. From what we've seen, she's just, y'know, nice. Like a lovely biscuit.

Not just any biscuit – a really nice one, from Marks and Sparks, probably with chocolate and caramel. The kind that comes in too much packaging, and eating more than one in a single sitting makes you feel bad on account of how fancy they are. That's the sort of biscuit she is.

Georgia Salpa at the Big Brother eviction ceremony
FUN FACT: Georgia Salpa can vibrate her corporeal form at such a rate that she moves out of phase with reality and into a hellish Otherrealm

Some people on Big Brother are nice, too, but with nasty bits in too. Like a biscuit with broken glass baked into it. Do you want biscuits with broken glass in? No. No you don't. You want lovely biscuits with no glass in. Which is why you should be sad that Georgia's off the show. Anyway. Enjoy the pictures of her leaving wearing a nice dress, why don't you.