Earlier today, the divorce of Cheryl and Ashley Cole was finalised. Cheryl was fairly non-committal about the whole thing:
“Thank God the nightmare is over.”
Say what you really think, Chezza.
We don’t want to rake over the horrible, gritty details of the whole sordid affair; that’s not really our style. Instead, let’s revel in the glory of Cheryl Tweedy.
Cheryl first burst onto the scene in 2002 when she appeared on Popstars: The Rivals and became a member of Girls Aloud. They turned out to be fairly successful, having twenty consecutive top ten singles, two number one albums, five Brit nominations and making loadsa money. We always preferred One True Voice, really.
We imagine Cheryl doesn't wear that dress much anymore.
What a difference eight years makes, eh? Look, they've become more attractive and learnt how to hold their arms parallel to the floor.
"Concentrate, Kimberly. Concentrate..."
Cheryl hasn't always been the princess royal of all that is lovely and wonderful and perfect that she is today. In 2003 she was the kind of girl you would have been reticent about taking home to meet your mum. Particularly if your mum was black and worked in a toilet selling lollies for a pound.
This is when Cheryl first started dating Ashley. Look how content and in love they look. Aww, why does love have to go wrong? Why can't people just treat each other properly and be nice and open the window when they've done a poo and not have relations with people that aren't their partner? Why, why, why?
Here's when Cheryl first discovered she had really rather lovely breasts. Yep, we'd look smugger than The Cheshire Cat after consecutive lottery wins as well if we'd just made that discovery. Actually, on second thoughts, we'd be quite concerned if we'd just discovered some splendid breasts adorning our chest. We'd have to buy new t-shirts and start running like someone who's just been introduced to their arms. Double-edged sword, lovely breasts.
According to the picture agency Rex Features, here Cheryl's playing Celebrity Bog Roll. We have absolutely no idea what that is, but she's having a hoot.
What's in a name? that which we call a Cheryl Cole
By any other name, would look as wonderful.
TWO MORE CHERYL COLE/TWEEDY STORIES ON FHM.COM:
1/ Cheryl Cole's stunning 2011 calendar
2/ Cheryl Cole is Woman of the Year
TWO MORE GIRL STORIES ON FHM.COM:
1/ Victoria Beckham threw Romeo Beckham a birthday party
2/ Kelly Brook in Paris for Piranha 3D