Happy Birthday, Heidi Montag. You're 24 today. As a special treat to you, let's relive some wonderful moments from those 24 years by looking at lovely pictures.
This is the oldest photo of you available on image library Rex Features, which, to a journalist, basically means that's when you began to exist. Welcome to existence, Heidi Montag.
Look how bloomin' wholesome you look. You're so young and naive and silly, you've accidentally put on just your dad's shirt and no trousers. You don't mind, though, you're beaming with happiness. We predict big things for you.
This is the first time we saw you with BFF Lauren Conrad.
Look at you, like two highly-manicured peas in an over-privileged pod. Your relationship will always be a solid and happy one, we foresee.
This is the first time we saw you with Spencer Pratt.
He'll be your husband one day, y'know. Not only have you found a future husband, you've found some lovely boobs. You're still not very good at getting dressed - you've come out wearing a nightgown, silly you. But we don't mind at all.
By jove, look at you. You've certainly got a lot better at dressing yourself. Good for you, H-Mon (that doesn't really work, does it?).
Let's skip ahead a few years, 'coz we haven't got all day and it won't be your birthday for much longer.
This is what you look like now.
You're probably quite busy on your birthday, Heidi Montag. But, if you've got any spare time, why not read some more stories about yourself:
1/ Heidi Montag + Karissa Shannon = lesbian sex tape
2/ Heidi Montag might have had plastic surgery
Or some other girls:
1/ Katy Perry performed at her old school
2/ The Top Ten Ultimate Big Brother Girls
Or you could just look at some more pictures of little ol' you: