We don’t know if Prince Harry’s been looking in the mirror recently but he‘s not exactly a hold onto your knickers hunk. But he’s only gone and dumped the double-barrelled posho bombshell that is Florence Brudenell-Bruce.

Golly gosh she must have done something really terrible, we thought. Maybe she brutally murdered a Corgi or made a mess of the Buckers Palace lawn. But no, her crimes were far worse than that. She asked him to go on holiday.

Yeah, yeah, he’s Royal and chicks dig the whole Prince Charming thing, but LOOK at her...

 
LOOK!

The conversation probably went a bit like this:

“So Harry, you want to come to Ibiza with me and we can be posh and wonderful on a boat? I’ll be constantly at least 92% naked and it’s not like we’re that busy because even though we pretend we do, we don’t actually have real jobs.*”

And here is what Harry responded:

“No thanks.”

Say whaaaaaaaaat? We’d do anything to go on holiday with Flo. We wouldn’t mind if she was so unbelievably posh we didn’t talk, she just spluttered and guffawed, she could cover herself in vol au vents and spout pretentious Latin sayings to us. Hell, we’d even let her bring her horse.


Such a pain in the arse with all her great holiday plans

But Harry doesn’t like hanging about with 92% naked lingerie models. He likes dressing up in Nazi uniform and going in helicopters**. Bet Florence wishes she’d stayed with lather-happy motors man Jensen Button. At least his hair was clean.

It’s quite hard to imagine P. Hazza as a bad-boy heartbreaker, but apparently he reason is that he doesn’t want to be “tied down". We want to be tied down Florence. Come over here and tie us down.

*Well actually he's in the army, which is pretty bloody admirable.
**In the ARMY. See above