Olga Kurylenko is in a new film called There Be Dragons, which sounds less like a film and more like something you’d find written on an old map that a scurvy pirate captain passed to you with his one remaining hand in a rum-soaked bar down in the depths of Tortuga. The trailer's below:

Much like on the map in that rather long-winded example above, there aren’t really any dragons in this film. Which is a disappointment. We rather liked Kingdom of Fire, for all its faults, and people fighting dragons – especially during the Spanish Civil war, as that’s when There Be Dragons happens to be set – would be pretty exciting.

But no, director Roland Joffe steadfastly refused to put even one dragon in the film, even in the background, no matter how many letters we wrote to him. Instead it’s a historical epic which features “themes such as betrayal, love and hatred, forgiveness, friendship, and finding meaning in everyday life.”

Olga looked stunned as she finally realised that there were no dragons in the film

Come on, Roland! It could have featured themes such as “building a flame-proof improvised tank” and “fighting dragons by riding them into cliffs and high buildings.” I’m sure you think you’re taking the high road by making a difficult film about feelings and loss and all that, but really, don’t you think just one actual dragon - even in the background - wouldn’t improve it tenfold?

We’ll keep up our campaign to make it into a better film. In the meantime, here are some pictures of the beautiful Olga Kurylenko at the There Be Dragons photocall in Madrid.