Holly Madison did some pretty hardcore multitasking in Las Vegas the other day. She wasn’t content with just standing in the garden in a bikini. She also wore some sunglasses on her head. She also ruffled the back of her hair with her left hand. She also lifted her left heel a little and kicked her pelvis out at a slight angle to accentuate her lady-curves. She also held a drink containing Svedka vodka in her right hand. She also got a spray tan from Mariah Carey. Bloody hell, Holly Madison, take it eeeeee-zeeeee.

They say that men can’t multitask. Well that’s just rhubarb. Just this morning we simultaneously tried to get some much-needed sleep on the train and tutted our disapproval as the woman next to us typed an inordinately long text message on her antiquated mobile with the beepy-beep tones ON. Who does that? Her. That’s who. The inconsiderate tartan coat wearing wrinkly she-devil. So there, we did TWO things at once.

"For the last time, Mariah, stop spray tanning my dog!"

Holly Madison used to go out with Hugh Hefner. Sure, you could say, “But is there an American girl who hasn’t gone out with Hugh Hefner?”, but this platinum-haired bustette was his ‘#1 Girl’. That, apparently, is quite an honour. It means you get to move into Hugh’s actual bedroom. Sharing a bed with a 143-year-old man in a dressing gown – who wouldn’t want that?

"And you're SURE it's nice and even?"

In May 2008, The Hef said: “I love Holly very much and I think we’re going to be together the rest of my life, but marriage isn’t part of my puzzle.”

A few months later, Holly dumped him.

The moral of the story: NEVER tell women you don’t ever want to get married. Particularly if you are LOADED.