The moral of this story? If you want to get anywhere in life sleep with an octogenarian. Eugh, can you imagine that? FHM can’t either, although we did once look into bedding a 70-year-old for a feature. Fortunately our Gran’s bessie wasn’t interested. She just “didn’t like us in that way”, apparently.

One person FHM definitely does like in the way is Holly Madison. The 31-year-old model and TV personality, who is most famous for starring as one of Playboy chief Hugh Hefner’s live-in lovers in The Girls Next Door, was in Las Vegas yesterday to leave her hand imprint in the concrete outside Planet Hollywood in Caeser’s Palace.

Pervy Picture Frame peered round advert for a glimpse of 'the booty'

Surely her boob imprint would have encapsulated her fame better? We mean, look at that cleavage. It’s so hypnotic, it could start or end wars. Maybe Vegas simply didn’t have enough concrete? Or perhaps they were worried about how big an indentation her chest would make? Pot holes are dangerous thing, you know.

Do you know what else is dangerous? A flatmate who thinks the house’s shower has a personal vendetta against him. He’s threatening legal action, smashed limbs and all sorts. Mind you, he does get up at 5.45am, so perhaps it’s understandable. FHM crawls out of bed about 8.15am, by which time the water is warm, you’ll be pleased to know.

You’ll also be pleased to know that last year Holly appeared in a CSI episode that’s bound to be repeated on your television soon. And you’ll be extra pleased to know that she played a ‘hot blonde’. God bless typecasting, eh lads? God bless typecasting and push-up bras.

"Peek-a-boo" screamed Plasma screen