Not opening jars, or doors, or boxes of sundries, or people’s worldviews to include the notion that a stripper can write a valid guide to tourism in Las Vegas, mind. Holly Madison seems to spend her entire life at things when they’re being opened.

Old Holly's a favourite of ours down at FHM.com. She can be relied upon to do something newsworthy every other week or so, and she never fails to do it in a low-cut, figure-hugging dress. Plus she’s an ex-playmate so there’s something for the dress to hug, as it were.

Holly Madison at the Gallery nightclub in Las Vegas
We'd hug her figure, if you know what we mean. Wait, that wasn't worth an innuendo

Generally that “something newsworthy” is attending the grand opening of something or other, hence that otherwise pretty weird headline. What’s being opened this time is the Gallery Nightclub at planet Hollywood in Las Vegas. 

Also present was Kourtney Kardashian, sister of Kim, and her android boyfriend Scott Dislick. Look at him. He’s like a drawing of a man. He looks photoshopped in. He’s making that exact same face in every picture at the event, and occasionally his arms rotate up crisply to adjust his tie, smooth an eyebrow, or reroute his process servers to handle information more efficiently.

Kourtney Kardashian and some sort of robot
Bleep bloop DOES NOT COMPUTE ERROR ERROR

We went to a club called The Gallery once, in York. The music was mediocre, a man in a blue shirt threw up on the back of our nice coat, and when we went downstairs to the indie room a man roughly the size of a house made a pass at our girlfriend. It really wasn’t much to write home about at all.

This Gallery, though, the one in Las Vegas, definitely is. It boasts such delights as a striptease in an oversized champagne glass (aren’t the sides of champagne glasses a little high to comfortably take your clothes off inside?), 3D erotica, giant frames with “voyeuristic” photography displayed in them, and forty go-go dancers.

Holly Madison looks sexy at the Gallery opening party
Apparently if you stick porn up on the wall it magically becomes erotica

We’re not sure if all the go-go dancers are available at all times, or if they rotate like checkout assistants at Tesco. Perhaps all forty at once would be too many to look at.