Words: Ellie Bond

In one of the many pointless online surveys that present themselves as being of the utmost social importance, the pleasingly bouncy Holly Willoughby has been named Celebrity Mum of the Year. Look how happy she is (above).

This is obviously a completely definitive title because a staggering 32,000 (jobless and bored) people voted on the parenting website Bounty.com. They even decided it was important enough to award Willoughby with the prize live on This Morning. Maybe they were a bit short on features this week. There were rumours that Philip Schofield was so jealous behind-the-scenes that the producers are mocking up an Ultimate Silver Fox award to give him next week in a bid to dampen his fury.

In a rather convenient coincidence, Holly has also just announced her second pregnancy, as if to rub her prodigious fertility and maternal prowess in the faces of Bounty runners-up Coleen Rooney and Dannii Minogue. The voluptuous daredevil continued to show off by riding off into the sunset with her prize on the back of a motorbike. Last year’s winner, similarly yummy mummy Kim Marsh also recently revealed she is expecting another baby, leading people to suspect that Bounty may provide some sort of sponsorship or incentive scheme for babies. Kind of like the Nazis did.

Meanwhile, Holly’s pervtastic co-presenter on Celebrity Juice, Keith Lemon, has made claims that her baby Harry is, in fact, the result of a secret affair with the lovely Willoughbooby. We suspect this relationship may have been limited to the sordid realms of Lemon’s crazy ginger imagination.