Meeting new people is nice. It puts you on your best behaviour. With your existing pals you’re all ‘burp-fart-scratch balls-punch a pigeon-wallop’, but when there’s someone new around you want to give a good impression so you reign it all in a bit.

Suddenly you’re a veritable whirlwind of courtesy and politeness. “Hello. How do you do? It’s an absolute pleasure to meet you. Chortle-chortle, guffaw-guffaw.”

OK. FINE. But what are we talking about?

This is what:

You’re about to meet Jessie J. She’s a bit like Katy Perry, in that they look a bit alike, they both do a sing and they both harbour a penchant for a fruity ensemble.

She’ll be here in a minute, will Jessie J.

You’re so familiar with Katy Perry you probably don’t even look away from the telly when she enters the room. It’s not rudeness, just relaxed familiarity. “Hey, K-Pez. Good day? Yeah, cool. I picked up some milk, it’s in the fridge. We need to top up the gas card soon, by the way. If you stick a tenner in the honesty box I’ll do it later when I nip out.”

But, when Jessie J walks in, you sit up straight and engage in earnestly refined conversation.

Well, be prepared. Sit up straight. Remove your hands from the comfort of your tracksuit bottoms. Because Jessie J is coming. We just heard her keys rattling in the door. Footsteps in the hallway. Here she comes…

Here she is!

"I am not Katy Perry"

Jessie J was in concert at Scala which is in King's Cross which is in London which is in England which is in Britain which is in Europe which is in the world which is in the universe.

Jessie J's real name is Jessica Ellen Cornish, which we think is perfectly lovely. Anything with "Cornish" in it is going to be good: Cornish Pasties, Cornish fudge, Cornish clotted cream, Cornish cream tea, Cornish ale - case bloody rested.

Jessie J's first shot at stardom came when she was 11 and was cast in Andrew Lloyd Webber's West End production of Whistle Down the Wind.

She then started writing songs for other people. There's a lot of dosh in that, y'know. Remember Hugh Grant in that film About A Boy? He's loaded just because his old man wrote one Christmas song. Jessie J didn't write a Christmas song, but she wrote non-Christmas songs for Miley Cyrus, Justin Timberlake, Chris Brown, Alicia Keys and Christina Aguilera. Timbers of the Lake said she's "The best singer in the world right now".

JJ said she originally wrote her debut single, Do It Like A Dude, for Rihanna, but decided to release it herself. That's a bit mean. Like promising to knit a scarf for someone, getting them all excited and keeping them updated with its progress, only to decide to keep it for yourself at the last minute. You big scarf-keeping cow, Jessie J.

Jessie J's debut album, Who You Are, is coming out this year. She'd probably promised to give it to a starving goat in Nairobi, the merciless singstress.

"I'm more flexible than Katy Perry"