Let’s face it; once you hit the cover of FHM, you’ve basically got it made. So therefore, Amy Childs has got it made. 

Precisely what “it” happens to be is never fully eluded to in the phrase “got it made.” We can only assume that “it” is shorthand for “some sort of media career.” And Amy’s certainly got that.

After gathering a select fanbase on The Only Way is Essex (and by “select fanbase,” we mean “largely men”), Amy’s been all over the other, inferior news journals as well as our mighty tome.

Amy Childs spotted in London in May 2011
Snake escaped from mobile and tried to devour Amy Childs

But there are some definite similarities between her and her idol Katie Price. It’s not just the brash in-your-face attitude, the makeup, the fashion sense and the breasts that are so impressive you could probably form a cult around around the -, but everything about her. Aside from the writing ability, obviously, but only time will tell on that front.

As Katie Price is admitting that she “feels old and wrinkly,” maybe we’re on to something here. Maybe Katie Price is actually some sort of Time Lord – but not the sort of Time Lord that actually saves the galaxy week after week and gets to walk around with the infuriatingly beautiful Karen Gillan

Maybe more the sort of Time Lord who goes out with MMA fighters and appears on I’m A Celebrity, presumably as some cover operation to take down an alien infiltration attempt.

Amy Childs spotted in London in May 2011
Mopeds: suddenly even less interesting than before

Anyway, before you know it, Katie will be walking into the TARDIS one more time before becoming eclipsed in shimmering blue light and transforming into Amy Childs. Wait, that doesn’t make sense. Amy Childs already exists.

You’d better just discount the above three paragraphs and look at the pictures instead. Sorry. We got confused. The mysteries of time and space continue to elude us.