In case you hadn’t heard, there’s a Royal Wedding on. Yep, our future King, Prince William, has only gone and bagged himself a royally hot Princess – and she’s a pretty bloody great one at that.
Kate Middleton (or Catherine Middleton, depending on how ‘in’ you want to seem with this whole wedding malarkey), was all over the news for months as preparations and speculation over her marriage reaches fever pitch. But, as the world went wild over all the boring bits of the wedding (does anyone actually care where the Prince of Bahrain is sitting in the church?), we’ve been wondering about one thing only: is Kate Middleton the most perfect woman in Britain?
We reckon she could well be, but we need to know for sure. She’s going to be our Queen, after all. So, with the nation’s best interests at heart, we’ve broken down everything that makes Kate what she is in order to find out…
“Wow! Kate’s hot!” Accurate words, we’re sure you’ll agree. In fact, you’re probably hearing these words fairly often, with pictures of Kate seemingly everywhere as Royal Wedding fever goes into overdrive.
However, these words are a pretty important landmark in the relationship of our future King and Queen. Back in 2002, Kate was traipsing down the catwalk in a charity fashion show at St Andrew’s university, when Wills turned to his mates and let one know of his approval of Catherine’s attire. Makes sense, really, given that she was wearing a see-through dress at the time...
Her revealing turn in the aforementioned fashion show illustrated how confident Kate is with her body and with appearing in public. Indeed, as the great street philosopher Ludacris once rapped, “We want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed.” And judging by Kate’s public appearances so far, she certainly knows how to behave in front of people, just like Luda wants.
Sadly, the latter is still up for debate – our video search yielded nothing but 402 viruses. Thanks a lot, internet. But we can all use our imaginations, right? And hey, what’s wrong with assuming that Wills is up to date with Usher and Ludacris collaborations? He’s a modern man, just like us. What’s so hard to imagine there?
Cleverness and cash
Kate’s more than just a pretty face, too – she graduated from St Andrew’s with a 2:1 degree in the History of Art, where she shared classes with Wills. Talk about putting our 2:2 in Media Studies to shame. Although, we did get to watch Die Hard six times for one of our modules, so that does kind of make up for it.
Her parents are also millionaires, having founded the company Party Pieces – so we wouldn’t feel too bad asking to borrow a tenner every now and again. We’d pay it back, obviously, Kate. Honest.
She cares for her nation’s happiness
Let’s also not forget the feel-good factor that Kate’s injected into the country, simply by deciding to get hitched. You’re basically a nobody if you didn't have a BBQ or something as an excuse to welcome the first commoner into the Royal family since 4024 BC, and councils even allowed roads to be closed to accommodate street parties. Think Wedding Crashers, but on Holburne Road just off the A2, rather than Washington D.C. Sort of.
And hey, if your BBQ invite was been lost in the post – just like ours – at least we were given an extra Bank Holiday just to make sure we enjoy watching the big day guilt-free whilst lounging about in our pants at home. Bless you, ma’am.
She likes sports, apparently
An extremely thorough research mission (yep, Google) has led us to believe that Kate is also a fan of sports – including skiing, tennis and football. That’s only a good thing in our minds: she’ll basically be just as happy taking us on a skiing trip to the Alps as she would be watching us be subbed after 14 minutes of our Sunday League game, out of breath and desperately searching for our asthma pump. Win.
And the verdict is…
So, she’s clever, confident, wealthy and sorted us out an extra day off work. Oh, and she’s damn hot, too. Understandable, then, that the most eligible man in Britain (he’s
literally going to be The King, remember) has opted to make good old Catherine our future Queen. Looks like the only real downer about Kate is that she’s already taken.
Guess we have no choice but to watch ZOO's video of a hot Kate Middleton lookalike stripping on repeat, instead...