“It’s Christmaaaaaaas!” as some bloke with tidy hair one once said, in a distinctly understated fashion.

Christmas means a lot of things. We won't list them. We're above that and you've all experienced Christmases before. Besides, if this is your first Christmas, you should probably be concentrating on more important things like learning how to walk, talk and not soil yourself on a regular basis, rather than reading an article about lingerie which you can't read anyway because you're an illiterate BABY. So there.

One thing Christmas means that you may not have expected, however, is a new Ultimo lingerie range.

Actually, on reflection, you probably were expecting that. Releasing products at Christmas - these mercenary lingerie companies know what they’re doing, that’s fo’ sho’.

Ultimo in particular are some pretty savvy smalls producers. Not content with making attractive lingerie that women want to wear and men want to look at, they also put attractive women that women want to look like and men want to look at in said underwear. *Deep breath*


Perching on the most comfortable-looking horse we've ever seen

This time they've enlisted the babe of edible crystalline carbohydrate, Sugababe Jade Ewen.

Penny Lancaster was the first ever Ultimo girl, and was followed by another of Scottish rocker Rod Stewart's exes, Rachel Hunter. Since then, they've had Helena Christensen, Sarah Harding, Gemma Atkinson, Michelle Heaton, Katie Price, Jennifer Ellison, Samantha Mumba, Clarita de Quiroz and Ruby Stewart, Mel B and Melinda Messenger. It's a list of thundering power that reads much like FHM Single Guy's book of conquests. Or perhaps not. 

So, Jade Ewen is the latest in an esteemed list of women wearing underwear for Ultimo. This particular range is called 'Santa Baby', which is a bit odd, because, Santa isn't a baby and, if he was, he'd be facing the challenges we discussed earlier rather than dashing around the globe delivering saucy underwear. Capiche?