Jennifer Thompson, the girl who, how can we put this, is one of those girls you sometimes call when you're a bit lonely and you really fancy a chat and a 'massage', and who allegedly slept with Wayne Rooney, was chased off from a Liverpool club on Saturday by Coleen Rooney’s mates. Classy!

According to the Sun – a great way to start any article, that – the security outside Mosquito nightclub tipped off Coleen Rooney’s mates that Jen was outside. Being the tip-top friends that they are, they promptly emerged from the club and chased her off into a taxi after branding her a "slag”, lest she encounter Coleen. Jennifer allegedly slept with the prodigal Mr Rooney whilst his wife was pregnant with their son Kai, so fair play to them – even if she didn’t, you probably wouldn’t want Coleen running into her.

Jennifer Thompson
Champagne bottles - the surprising alternative to nipple tassels

We don’t have any pictures of it happening, you’ll be sad to hear. They probably wouldn’t be all that great anyway – a gaggle of swearing, vicious womenfolk launching themselves out of a nightclub and hounding poor ol’ Jennifer down the street doesn’t make for the best FHM photo op, even if they can all run in heels. Which they all clearly can. 

Instead, the lovely chaps at ZOO have let us use some shots of Jen they took a few months ago, where she wasn’t being chased down a street but instead took her clothes off in a far more relaxed locale. Much better all round. For more pictures, including a handful of topless ones we’re not allowed to publish, why not pop over to ZOO’s website?

Jennifer Thompson
Go on, we're not here to judge you

If you’re absolutely desperate to recreate the chase, print them off and wave them back and forth in front of this picture of Liverpool town centre whilst shouting "Oi get back here yew slag" and so on.

Journalist superstars, that’s us all over.