WOAH. Jessica Alba is holding a gun in a green room because she’s in the film Machete. Maybe that’s the reason. Or maybe it’s because the scene in which she’s holding the gun is actually ON THE BLOOMIN’ MOON and director Robert Rodriguez didn’t have the budget to send Alba to the moon so he decided to draw it in afterwards instead. Unlikely, given that it’s about cowboys and moustaches and some ex-American policeman (therefore: cop) going on “a brutal rampage of revenge”.

Having watched The Killer Inside Me recently we’re just pleased to see 29-year-old Jessica Alba looking healthy again because Casey Affleck gives her some enormous beatings in that film and it’s ever-so-slightly disturbing. If only she’d had a gun and a nice green background to protect herself. Everything might have been okay. Casey (SPOILER ALERT!) wouldn’t have had to blow himself and everyone else up if Alba had had a gun in the first place.

Check this out. Green:

Not green:

THAT’S THE MAGIC OF HOLLYWOOD RIGHT THERE. Eradicate the amazement from your brain right now and compose yourself. 24-year-old professional madhead Lindsay Lohan is also in the film Machete, and was used in this poster:

Good poster. She’s not in Machete very much though, apparently, but they put her on a poster anyway because she’s damn famous and damn controversial and usually when you put Lindsay Lohan on a poster websites that specialise in news for red-blooded gentlemen who enjoy the company of females will pick up on it. HERE IS PROOF. That’s how the world works. The circle of life, just like The Lion King talks about. Love that film.