Do you know how Jessie J does it? Jessie J does it like a brother. She does it like a dude. She can grab her crotch and wear her hat low, just like we can.

First things first – we were rearranging our underwear. We’d rather not have the phrase “grab my crotch” bandied around when we’re discussing what happened that one time in Tesco Metro. It was a simple misunderstanding and that nice old lady never pressed charges.

Jessie J on stage at the 2011 Big Weekend in Carlisle
Dresses: Incomplete

Secondly, how do you wear your hat low? Maybe it’s some of this “street” parlance. We never could understand much of that. Perhaps you pull it down over your ears to better hide your face, not that you’d be hiding your face for any reason in a Tesco Metro at 3am we told you it was a misunderstanding damnit.

Moving on! Jessie J was on stage at Radio 1’s Big Weekend in Carlisle, which is the most exciting thing to happen up there since they got electricity back in the mid-90’s. 

Jessie J on stage at the 2011 Big Weekend in Carlisle
Halos: less discriminating than they used to be

In addition to a variety of other exciting fresh young pop acts that the kids of today love and Plastic Vampire Queen Lady Gaga, Jessie J entertained the chipper Northerners with her Ghetto-pop stylings and sexy costumes. In this these pictures she’s wearing a cross between a nightie, bondage gear and masking tape.

We’re really behind the concept of Big Weekend, by the way, and we're fond of Radio 1 even if they do seem hopelessly shackled to the offensive but irritatingly professional Chris Moyles. Why can’t more radio presenters be like Scott Mills? He seems like such a nice boy.