Georgie Porgie puddin’ and pie kissed the girls and made them cry. Jorgie Porter eats puddings and pies, because if she lost her curves she’d want to die. Well okay, not die per se, but she would be very upset.

The Invisible Midget would come no closer

"If I am working hard or stressed I lose weight quickly, then I lose my boobs and bum,” she told Closer magazine. “I’d rather keep my boobs and bum. I’d prefer more curves. If I could have anyone’s figure it would be Kim Kardashian’s. She looks amazing.”

Hear, hear Jorgie. FHM March cover star Kim Kardashian does indeed look amazing. But you look pretty tasty too. So get those silly ‘I need to boost my 32B bust’ thoughts out of your bonce right NOW!

"I have looked into it," says the 23-year-old sexpot who plays Theresa McQueen in Hollyoaks. “But then my mum read something about an actress who got turned down for a role because she had fake boobs, so that’s put me off – for now.”

Stethoscope had a way with the ladies

So for now you’re going to have to put up with Jorgie’s body looking like this. However will you cope? That’s sarcasm, obviously. We mean, look at those legs and that stomach. Surely they’re enough to see a few of you vote for Jorgie in our 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2011 poll.

Done that? Great, you’re one step closer to dating Jorgie. The next step? Provide some roadside assistance. “Watching a man change a tyre is hot,” says Jorgie. “My ex did it once and we totally forgot what we were arguing about.”

P.S. Buy Closer magazine for your 'girlfriend', then look at the pics. It's out now.

Closer cover
Closer: buy it now. Or, you know, next time you leave the house...