Rule, Britannia. Britannia, rule the waves: Britain never, never, never shall be slaves. Almost 100% of the time this is a good thing. Why almost? Because if we can never to be slaves, then it means we can never be Kate Middleton’s sex slave and this makes us a tiny bit sad, especially when we spot the delectable Kate tottering about in heels, while on an 'official visit’.

This morning, the Princess-in-waiting chummed her hubby-to-be to Trearddur Bay in Wales, where they christened a new boat. Will it be the only thing they’re christening in the next two years? Who knows, or indeed cares – this isn’t HELLO! for Christ’s sake.

And speaking of Christ, he will no doubt be in attendance when 29-year-old Kate ties the knot with the balding, slightly goofy-looking Prince Wills this April. Jealous much? Very, very jealous to be honest, but then again, we’re jealous of any man who is punching significantly above his weight.

Have you ever punched above your weight? FHM has and, trust us, it’s no walk in the park. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. You spend every waking moment fearing that you’re going to get dumped and have to start exfoliating and all sorts.

We bet Kate exfoliates those luscious legs of hers. And we also bet that she finishes in the top 20 of FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women in the World 2011. Other names that we reckon will be in the top 20? Abbey Clancy, Kara Tointon, Megan Fox and Mila Kunis. What? That’s the first time we’ve mentioned the lovely, single and completely flawless Mila Kunis today…


Wills' testicles carried a carabiner "just in case"