Kate Upton, when she’s not on Twitter, wears bikinis for a living. That’s a pretty sweet gig. Although we guess it involves going to the gym a lot and eating healthily, which we’ve tried to do but it hasn’t quite panned out. Guess we’re just not cut out to be bikini models. Ho hum.
These bikinis are made by Beach Bunny, who were responsible for producing the fantastically bouncy creations that Kate was loosely bundled into in this catwalk video that we posted a couple of weeks ago. Go ahead, click the link. Even if you’ve watched the video before. It’s that good.
The bikinis in question are bridal-themed (apparently), which certainly makes a break from the norm in terms of bridal wear for the young woman of today. A break which we’re entirely down with, you understand. We think this could make for the best wedding ever.
Imagine the scene – the guests are assembled on the beach, all white sand and palm trees, and they’re waiting for the bride and groom to arrive. Suddenly a groomsman rushes forward and hurls a smoke grenade next to the altar, and an Apache gunship descends from the heavens bearing the groom and best man (in this scenario, we’re the groom, and the best man is Jason Statham).
We reckon he'd come along. He seems like a good egg
We rappel down, and fireworks launched from rocket tubes held by busty bikini models light up the evening sky as the helicopter pulls away. We engage in a fake gunfight with the models (because Jason always carries a couple of submachine guns loaded with blanks, just in case) who fall over in various sexy positions. Rapturous applause from the audience.
As the smoke clears, our last shell casings fall softly into the sand and the firework sparks descend around us, all eyes move to the sea where Kate Upton emerges in a bridal bikini a la Ursula Andress. She’s joined immediately by the father of the bride who is both Sean Connery and Bill Murray (don’t ask questions, this is our dream wedding) who walks her to the altar.
Also the altar is made out of gold
The vicar asks if anyone has any reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, and one guy speaks up saying “Um, none of this is really happening because this is just FHM’s delusional fantasy” but Jason Statham knocks him out with a single punch.
He collapses. We say “I do,” Kate smiles back at us coquettishly and says “I do,” then it’s back onto the helicopter for a honeymoon in a 5-star luxury resort IN SPACE.
Where we discover ancient alien technology and cure all the world's ills
Yes. All of that.
Anyway. If you want even more pictures of Kate Upton in bridal bikinis, why not check out the gallery at Beach Bunny's site? We did. And look where that got us.