Cast your mind back in the distant past. Back when this was all trees, before the dominion of man held the earth in a choking concrete grasp, when the rivers ran wide and free and fresh, unconstrained by dams or reservoirs. When the earth breathed anew every day and all animals lived in harmony.
Okay, now bring it back to yesterday.
And use it to look at Kate Upton
Yesterday, see, we published an epic article (epic as in big, not epic as in great, we’re not that sure of ourselves) focusing on the beautiful women who attended that there Tribeca Film Festival. In fact, we called it a “Definitive Guide.”
Ah, hubris, you crash down upon us like a hard kick to the face. It turns out that after our article was published, Kate Upton (sexy, sexy Kate Upton) had the temerity to attend a premier for a film called The Bully Project whilst looking all sultry and gorgeous, and we missed it.
Curtain's knees sagged with delight
We’re so sorry. She’s here now, and we updated the original article so it shows her. In a way it’s like none of this ever happened, and all the evidence we’ve got is in this block of text. Now, we could have been proud and aloof and quietly updated the original article, so to save face, but we’re bigger than that.
We’ve got pride, damnit. So here’s Kate Upton. And in case you’re too happy about having another fat weekend off, here’s the trailer for that film she was watching. It’s only four minutes long but it seems to run for much longer.