Oh, hey Kate Upton. Glad to see you're sticking with what works, what with wearing bikinis and everything. We'd hate to see you branch out.
That's a lie. We love Kate Upton, and we'd love to see her try different things because as fascinating as seeing her in a range of Beach Bunny bikinis might be, it's getting difficult come up with new things to say about it.
We're gonna keep trying, though
Maybe she could open a chain of sandwich shops and call them Upton's Butty Barns, which would serve mid-range baps and rolls at competitive prices. Hell, if she whacked a big cardboard cutout of herself in the window, we wouldn't even care about the competitive prices.
Or perhaps she could use her experience as a horse rider to open a hard-line equestrian school – Upton's Den of Dobbin Domination, she could call it – which preached a no-nonsense line of tough love between a pupil and their horse, so mounts wouldn't get uppity and refuse to race or take part in dressage.
She'd show those bloody horses who's boss
Following the alliterative nouse of the Kardashians, she could open Kate's Krazy Kars – an automotive showroom which dealt primarily in novelty clown car accessories and upgrades. How else do you reckon they manage to get so many clowns in there? There must be stupendous feats of engineering involved, which Kate definitely could get in on. Although the initials of the business would read 'KKK,' which might not be the best marketing strategy outside of the American South.
Maybe 'Kate's Krazy Klown Kars' might be better, in that case
You know, actually, these are all terrible ideas. Kate, you just keep on wearing bikinis for a living. If we come up with a serious business plan, we'll let you know.