Hello, everyone. How was your weekend? Are you happy to be back at work and up too early? No? Here’s some pictures of Kate Upton from Esquire’s latest issue, then, clinically proven to remove all but the harshest of Monday blues.
For example, if your bus was a bit late and your immediate superior made a snarky comment about your tardiness (something like “Oh, good afternoon!” when you got in at ten past nine, which wasn’t funny the previous ten bloody times either), then these pictures of Kate Upton should soothe any irritation caused.
Like an ointment for your feelings
Similarly, if you got in to work still hung over from Saturday night – nothing major, just the vague feeling of your brain not quite being connected and a lingering headache that circles you like a guy with a broken bottle in a barfight – then hopefully Ms Upton being genuinely gorgeous should help. Also, get a packet of crisps and some tomato juice down you.
However, these Kate Upton pictures are not recommended for the upper limits of Monday blues. For example, if on Sunday your wife left you for your best friend due to your chronic fish odour syndrome, these are not recommended. Similarly, if you’ve lost the use of all your limbs in a freak Songs of Praise accident, you might need something stronger.
How did you get to this webpage without using your arms? We're beginning to think you might be lying
In fact, for both of the above, we recommend professional psychiatric assistance. Life-changing events like that aren’t really the sort of thing that photos of pretty girls – even ones as legendarily pretty as Kate Upton – are designed to handle.
However, if you're still married and have full use of your limbs, but you're still a bit grumpy even after looking at the pictures, follow these three steps to cheer yourself up:
1) Listen to Get It Together by The Go! Team. There are few happier songs than this. If this song doesn’t cheer you up a little bit, you’re a robot. Sorry to tell you like this.
2) Look at pictures of stupid dogs. Stupid dogs with their daft faces and silly legs. This one is dressed as a hotdog:
Dog what are you doing take that costume off you're not a hotdog you don't even taste good with mustard
3) Put on a silly hat. A wizard hat, if you’ve got one (we do) and then look at yourself in the mirror, and just try scowling. It’s clinically impossible to not smile, because if you don’t, you’re scowling and wearing a wizard hat and that makes anyone feel like a bit of a prick.
See some more pics and an interview with the girl herself at Esquire.com.