Damnit, have the time portals collapsed AGAIN? Katy, we've told you not to muck around with those things. They contain forces beyond the ken of man and we can't be bothered to pay the exorbitant callout fee to get them fixed.
We're going to have to though, aren't we?
As you can see, Katy's been abusing the time portals to film her new video for The One That Got Away. Past Katy, who seems to live in a version of the '70s where everyone had great hair, has lots of fun with her good-looking artist boyfriend - drawing moustaches on her face, taking photographs, being painted in an expressionist, messy style - you know, the sort of stuff we all get up to on the weekend. Future Katy is old and withered by the ravages of time, but on the plus side has a slick-looking cyber-teapot from which she drinks curiously normal-looking tea.
Bleep bloop teapot
Anyway, Future Katy is upset because she's no longer with her good-looking artist boyfriend and is having a bit of a sing about it. Past Katy provides an illustration of what went wrong, and Present Katy is nowhere to be seen. Presumably she's busy messing with the TIME PORTALS and forcing us to call up that big sweaty time portal repairman who insists on using our bathroom every time he comes over and leaves it in a horrible state.
We can see that Past Katy gets an amateur tattoo - another video glamourising the unsafe practice, after Rihanna's controversial bum-ownership scene - and future Katy still has it, and then has a bit of a cry when she notices it, which is fair enough. At least cause and effect remain intact.
If you look closely, one of these women is in fact an incredibly accurate drawing
Oh Katy NO DON'T DO THAT. Don't have Past Katy and Future Katy meet up and mourn their lover's tragic death after he drove off in a huff because Past Katy threw red paint all over his canvas on account of her being kind of a dick. No wonder the portals have collapsed. That sort of paradox is going to take weeks to iron out. We'll have the Time Cops on us before long. Jean Claude Van Damme is going to be knocking down the door and where will you be then, Katy? LA or somewhere, no doubt. And we'll be stuck with the blame. Cheers.