Katy Perry is launching a new perfume, or ‘fragrance’ as they say in those hoity toity cliques where people drink out of impractical glasses you can’t fit your nose in and eat stupid mini pizzas you can fit in your ear.

It’s called Purr, so they’ve packed K-Pez into a tight little feline costume. Clever that. Some marketing guru probably got paid half-a-million bucks for coming up with that little chestnut. Meanwhile, thousands of unwanted cats across the land go unloved. Life makes us sad, sometimes.

When it launches in November, Purr will come with scents of peach nectar, apple and green bamboo, a heart of jasmine blossom, pink freesia and Bulgarian rose and a drydown of vanilla orchid, white amber, sandalwood and musk. The flacon will be cat-shaped and features “jewelled eyes and metallic accents.”

Never have so many words meant so little. “Heart of jasmine blossom”? “Drydown of vanilla orchid”? “Musk” – mmm, that sounds… musky. What the jay, K-Pez? We thought you’d have a perfume that smells of lollypops and earth-shatteringly amazing orgasms. What the hell is a flacon, anyway? Do you perhaps mean BOTTLE?

We're surprised that seemingly down to earth Katy has let all this lardy da wordiness happen on her watch. 

Ah, that explains it. Katy Perry's been busy experimenting with something new - wearing a PVC dress. She's never done that before. Never. No sirree. No Katy Perry in PVC here, officer

Just wait till she hears about this "scents of peach nectar" nonsense, slimey marketing executives. There'll be PVC hell to pay. 

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