While you were enjoying yourself in India, Katy Perry, you could have spared us a thought. During your matrimonial hiatus, we had such a distinct lack of material to go on that we began looting the stationery cupboard in preparation for our imminent redundancy. Fortunately, though, you've returned to the limelight. And we had to give back all the biros. We think it was a worthy compromise.
Katy was onstage in New York launching the new Windows Phone. Why this had anything to do with her wearing a latex dress adorned with cupcakes, we cannot tell you. But we may have hit on something when we assert that this piece of apparel is perhaps a synthesis of her two favourite things - restricted rubbery material, and cake. If you remember, the video to California Gurls featured the bouncy regions of Katy's anatomy covered in cake. And, over the past few months, she has been pictured in either PVC or latex (don't ask us the difference) no fewer than 400 times. OK, perhaps it wasn't that many. But it's certainly above the reasonable quota of rubbery uniforms that one would expect an individual to wear in such a short period of time. Currently, it hovers between a penchant and an obsession.
She evidently must know that the molecular constituency of latex is amongst the most densely packed of all man-made materials, which is why she's confidently putting it to the test in a variety of hernia-inducing poses. The last time we bent over like that we couldn't walk for three weeks. And no, it wasn't what you're thinking. We had a trapped nerve. Honestly, sometimes we wonder about you lot. Could you really picture us bending over? No, we yield to neither animal nor mineral. Though sometimes a vegetable may get the better of us.