In an interview with a magazine called New!, curvy person Kelly Brook admitted that she quite often gets sent sexy texts from people who’d quite like to kiss her on the lips. BOTH PAIRS. What? She said: “They're usually silly sports people. I just keep them all for collateral."

That’s a pretty cunning move right there from the 31-year-old who is wearing some kind of captain-of-a-ship picture on her Wikipedia page. “They're not of the Ashley Cole variety,” she said. “But they can be quite cheeky. I haven't sent picture messages – boys do that.”

Too right boys do that. We do it all the ruddy time. Barely an hour goes by without some poor individual who’s given us their phone number so they can enter a competition on the website getting a picture of some balls pop up on their telephone*. You know how to tell whose balls they are? Hair. We all have different kinds of hair on our balls**.

Kelly Brook also told New! that she had P Diddy’s number but had to delete it in case she drank one too many pints of Long Island Ice Tea on New Year’s Eve and accidentally phoned him up to sing Auld Lang Syne. P Diddy hates that song.

She said: “My friend knows him but his phone died at a party, so P Diddy put his number in my phone. Then, my friend erased it because he thought I might call him drunk one night with my girlfriends, which I probably would have done.”

*Dear Ofcom. This is not true. Love, FHM.

** Dear readers. This is true. Love, FHM.

This is a picture of Kelly Brook in the sea