The Aussies have crossed a line. They’ve taken their eye off the cricket and on to Kelly Brook. They’ve stolen her and put her in their latest edition of FHM Down Under, clearly to get at us. We MUST win her back.

Kelly has been posing on the beach and forgetting to wear her bra – sometimes even her top – which could be foolish, but it’s actually bloody brilliant don’t you think? Well done to the Australians for capturing this moment:

Now, enough of the compliments to our southern hemisphere foes. Just as attentions were turning to the England cricket team heading to Australia to retain the Ashes, it appears the convicts have nabbed Kelly instead – and us Poms aren’t having it. So when you get over there lads, reclaim her would you? It’s all about taking back what’s ‘rightly ours’, which we’re pretty fond of.

You can read about how focussed Stewart Broad is on winning down there in our November issue (with a behind the scenes video here), but we reckon Swanny has the lines to woo Kelly back on side. Not only is he a top-tweeter and all-round banter merchant, he can tell her all about the time he tried to save his cat from under his floorboards (caring) by breaking the law (edgy). The man’s got it all.

Unless this is all just a clever rouse to distract us from the Ashes? Those sly baggy greens, they’ve put us in a right pickle now. So which one do we go after – Kelly or the tiny little urn?

More Kelly Brook news on

1/ Kelly Brook and Vanessa Hudgens, together at last
2/ Kelly Brook looked lovely in the Guardian
3/ Kelly Brook and Abbey Clancy on the catwalk

Top Girls news on

2/ FHM's best ever Ladies' Confessions: the top 100
3/ Jessica Alba nude for The Machete
4/ Christina Hendricks' magical measurements
5/ Meet Danica, this month's Upgrade Girlfriend