Kelly Brook’s acting career is phenomenal. First, she was in Piranha 3D, which involved her being in bikinis and being in 3D’s. That was pretty bloody good news. We liked that a lot.

Okay, we never actually saw the film, but we watched so many clips of Kelly Brook and Riley Steele frolicking in bikinis we could probably hold our own in a thorough discussion with Claudia Winkleman. Saying you’ve seen all the bits of Piranha 3D involving piranhas and bikinis (NOT piranhas IN bikinis, sicko) is like saying you’ve seen all the bits of The Business that are RUBBISH.

Now, Kelly-to-the-Brook is in teeny drugfest Skins, which involves her squeezing into some skin-tight shiny Lycra leggings and doing a little exercise-y jig. Which, again, is pretty bloody good news.


This int crude 'coz it's a photo of those kids on step machines an' Kelly just got in the way, your Honour

In the episode, which is called True Love and will be on e4 tonight, K-Bro plays a sexy fitness instructor. (To be honest, the word ‘sexy' there is probably redundant - Brooksy was hardly likely to be playing an ugly fitness instructor.)

Attractive female fitness instructors are something of a poisoned chalice. On the one hand, they’re quite motivational, because you want to do lots of the running and the lifting and the sweating to impress them. But, on t’other hand, well, t’other hand is busy stifling the surreptitious contraband erection in your P.E. shorts, you horny little devil, you.

Once you regain use of your 'action hand', why not use it to vote for everyone's favourite natural freshwater stream that's smaller than a river to win FHM's 100 Sexiest Women 2011?